k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
