You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
