i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
