The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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