Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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