i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize