He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize