I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
