At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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