quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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