friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
