i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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