What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
