we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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