I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
