I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
