He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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