my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
