the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the day after is always just damage control
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
