Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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