I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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