And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize