i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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