Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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