Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
