This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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