We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize