Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
