too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
