Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
