if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
