bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
