At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
