She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
