I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
