I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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