You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
