Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
