Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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