Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize