Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
