dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
