What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
