THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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