he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
