you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
