before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
