this beer tastes like vomit already
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
