There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
