On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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