he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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