you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
