does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
