Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
