so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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