I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
