Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
