Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I smell like Dick and happiness
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
