kristin has been a bad kristin
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Are my feet made of real feet?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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