I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
