Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize