We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
