Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
