I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Randomize
