I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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