do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
