I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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