And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
