I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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