And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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