I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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