bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize