sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
