dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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